Sickly Sweet
by RueInTheNight
Summary: I had no control over my body, it was like I was detached from it, but I could still feel all of the pain. If I'm going to die anyway, just hurry up and get it over with. I screamed in my head...Set after New Moon. First FanFic. Plz R&R!
1. Shake

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the characters.**

**A/N: This is set a bit after New Moon.**

**Edward's POV:**

It was one of those rare moments where Bella and I were separated from each other. I usually spent times like these trying to distract myself from the pain in my chest caused by not being with her. But, today, I couldn't find anything that would suffice.

Charlie, after arriving home from work and noticing that I was still at his house with his daughter, had kicked me out. And I mean that in a literal sense of the word. He still believes that I'm not right for her. He also thinks that I will just get up and leave her…again. But, I would never do that to her…again. I would never cause Bella any pain, if I could help it; if I could somehow convince her that she didn't want pain. But, the truth was: she did.

We had had a fight before Charlie came to the house, which was why I didn't notice him coming. The fight was about sucking Bella's soul out of her body, and her never being the same again; her becoming lifeless; a walking nothing. Her argument was that, if I were willing to let go of the fact that I would never again see her blush or feel the warmth of her skin, we would be together forever and always.

I was lying on my couch, listening to Tchaikovsky, weighing the pros and cons of the situation for the thousandth time this week. I knew everyone else was on her side. I knew that the Volturri were going to come eventually. And I knew that Bella would die one day and I would be left alone in the world once again. Maybe, just maybe I should be selfish. I could change her so that I would not end up alone. I couldn't stand to be without her sweet flesh. She was my flower in a meadow of weeds.

I was stuck. Change Bella and watch as the things that I love about her leave her body, or not and watch her get old and die. The thought of the latter made me wince. I didn't want her any other way than she was now, that was my biggest problem. Neither of us could win, but she was right, I had to make up my mind soon, before it was too late.

I had two more hours to kill before I could sneak back into Bella's room via her window. The CD ended and I got up to put in another one. It was the only thing I had to do. Alice, Jasper, and Esme were gone for the night and all of Saturday. They were hunting somewhere in Africa for some godforsaken reason. Rosalie and Emmett were _still _on their billionth "honeymoon", Carlisle had just started his graveyard shift at the hospital, and I was left alone to think.

**Bella's POV:**

_Stupid, stubborn Edward._ I thought maliciously as I showered. I wanted to smell good tonight. I had to convince him somehow that _he_ had to change me, and soon.

Charlie had already gone to bed; I could hear him snoring. So, I quietly dried off, put on some pajamas and tiptoed to my room. Edward would come through my window in about an hour and I had to think of a better argument to hit him with. I curled up under my blanket and closed my eyes hard, willing myself to think harder. There had to be some way…

**Edward's POV:**

I was thinking so hard that I didn't hear the phone ringing. It must have rung about three times before I snapped out of my reverie. I ran to the phone to check the caller ID. It was Alice! Finally, someone to talk to.

"Alice!" I picked up the phone.

"Edward!" Something was wrong; her voice was urgent and filled with panic.

"What?" I demanded.

"It's B-"

Then the line went dead. The earth shook violently beneath me and things were falling off of shelves everywhere. I couldn't keep my balance and I fell over, only to get right back up and fall again. This was something that had never happened to me before. Unlike Bella**---**

_Bella!_ My mind screamed.


	2. Temptations

**Bella's POV: **

I woke with a start. For some reason my bed was moving. I thought it might be Edward trying to scare me, but why would he do that? Plus, he wasn't there! I made a pouting face at the sight of my empty rocking chair.

Why wasn't he in my room yet? And why was everything shaking and falling! Frustration at not seeing Edward pulled me from my bed. Before I could get anywhere, something hit my head, and all I saw was blackness.

**Edward's POV:**

I knew I had to concentrate on getting _out_ of my house in order to get to Bella, but I couldn't concentrate on anything _but_ her. She had to be okay or I would die, or whatever my type did.

The shaking continued for about a minute, and then it subsided. I could finally walk without falling down. I sped over the debris scattering my living room floor, and flew out the door. My house was still intact because it was built earthquake proof, but I wasn't so sure about Bella's. I ran to her house and was there in seconds. Nothing could make me run faster than Bella's fate.

I was right; her house was a mess. Her window, of which I usually used to get into her room, was collapsed, along with half of the roof of Bella's room. The roof on the other side of the house was completely collapsed. My breathing became faster and harder. Bella had better not be hurt. As I smashed through the front door, my mind searched for any thoughts form Charlie.

None. Not a good sign.

I raced up the stairs, not caring if I fell through the unstable floor. I had to get to Bella; she had to be all right.

When I got to her room, the door was closed, though hanging loosely, which probably meant she was still in there. I took a deep breath through my nose in preparation of what I might see: the end of my source of happiness along with the reason I still existed.

Bad idea. The smell of blood was overwhelming and it made me anxious and crazy at the thought of what might be inside.

I threw open her door and the sight I beheld made me choke.

Bella, mangled and twisted, lay on her floor, bleeding from a slash on her head. The bottom half of her was caught under her fallen roof. I panicked and ran to her side. Her eyes were closed, but I could hear her weak intakes of breath.

Where was Carlisle? I needed him!

Aside from her strangled breath, I could hear a faint heartbeat.

_Too faint._ I thought, trying to keep calm. At least she was still alive, but barely. I lifted the roof off of her to find that her leg was bent the wrong way; broken again.

"Bella, Bella…"I choked out while I stroked her blood-soaked hair.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move her. I was sure the phones weren't working. And I couldn't run to the hospital and leave her in this condition, not now that I'd seen her like this. Even as I sat beside her, running my options through my head, her breathing had become even more stifled. Her heartbeat was fading, and I had only one option left.

I had to change her.

Here she was, dying, she had to go through all of this pain just to get her way, and then suffer through even more pain having her way.

Why couldn't I have agreed earlier? Then this would have never happened, she wouldn't have been so breakable and I would be ineffectively comforting her right now. My problem was solved. It was now or never. I had to do it to save her. How ironic.

Her neck was exposed, waiting for me. I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't lose control.

_C'mon, Edward, you've done it before and you can do it again._ A voice in the back of my head egged me on. I couldn't help but wonder if it sounded like Carlisle.

Even though it may sound cliché, necks are the easiest to bite for vampires, when it comes to humans. At least the humans didn't screw up that fact in their storytelling.

As I moved closer to Bella, the smell of her blood became more persistent. I opened my mouth, telling myself that I had to do this for her sake, and mine. I placed my teeth on her delicate flesh and punctured her in one quick move.

Her sickly sweet blood was irresistible and I thought my impulses would invade my senses, but I repressed them, eager to get this over with. Her veins tasted almost dry and I fretted that I was too late in making my decision.

There it was done. Bella's life was over.

Her new "life" would last forever and the only comfort I had with that thought was that she would be with me. Unless she hated me for doing this to her. Three days of insufferable pain. I never thought that I would have to put her through this.

I wondered if it would pass without much pain because of the fact that I bit her when she was unconscious.

_Probably not._ I thought.

At that moment her face went pale and contorted and she let out an agonizing scream.

_Definitely not_. I thought. I had never seen her in this much agony before. I couldn't stand it. And, even though the roof had collapsed so that fresh air was reaching my nose, the stifling smell of her enticing blood was getting to my head. I had to get out of there before I lost control.

I deliberated where to go first. I could go to Carlisle at the hospital first and bring him here to check if the bleeding contusion on Bella's head would effect her transformation or her chance of survival. Or I could check on Charlie. I hadn't' been paying attention to the voices, but I was pretty sure I had never heard his since I entered the house. I was also pretty sure he was dead.

I got up and left Bella's room, throwing a blanket instinctively over her slightly less unconscious but still shrieking and crying body. How badly I wanted to comfort her, but I knew I shouldn't, or I would never be able to leave to get her help from Carlisle. The relief would have to wait a while longer.

I proceeded down the hall to Charlie's room. I stepped over the mess that was Charlie's doorframe and door. This was not a good thing, Bella would be very upset when she was finished with the transformation and emerged from her trance.

Her father was dead. I was upset because she would be upset. There was no need to stay here any longer. Bella needed Carlisle and me.


	3. Aid

**Bella's POV: **

The blackness was pushing at me from every direction. The pressure hurt more than it usually did when I was knocked out or fainted. I didn't like it, I wanted out! I tried to reach out into the darkness, but I wasn't moving. I had no control over my body, it was like I was detached from it, but I could still feel all of the pain.

_If I'm going to die anyway, just hurry up and get it over with._ I squealed in my head.

At that moment I felt a different feeling. Something sultry surrounded my body, and I grew cold. I could feel the pressure releasing itself.

"Bella, Bella…" I heard in my muggy head. I tried to answer but I still didn't have power over my body parts.

The pressure that was compressing my body liberated itself even more and I felt like I was floating, the pain was lighter and further away than before.

Before I could get used to it, I was abruptly pulled back to my body from a sharp point on my neck. The pain was almost unbearable. I broke out of my stupor and entered into a new kind of oblivion, with even more pain than the previous.

I screamed so hard that it felt like I collapsed a lung. The fire was back, and I was scared. My mind raced through the events that had happened only months ago, when James had almost killed me. I had Edward to save me then. But, now, I couldn't see anything and I didn't know where he was. I needed him. I needed him to make the pain disappear.

I continued to scream. No shriek could express the pain I was in. All I knew was that the fire was spreading into each of my veins and I didn't think I could handle it. I couldn't take it for much longer. I couldn't breath.

**Edward's POV:**

I raced as fast as my immortal feet would carry me to the hospital. I was there within minutes. I continued to fly up the stairs at a pace that might scare some humans, even though I had now slowed down. The hospital was packed, but I didn't care. The only thing that was on my mind was Bella's well being.

I followed Carlisle's voice rather than paging him, this saved a lot time.

"Carlisle!" I screamed, possibly too loud, seeing as how everyone in the room turned to stare irritably at me.

He met my eyes the fastest and sensed my urgency. He raised his eyebrows.

"Bella?" he asked in his head.

I nodded as a single tear rolled down my ice-cold skin. It burned.

He set down the clipboard he had been writing on, took off his lab coat, threw it to an assistant and ran out the door ahead of me. He led me to his office where he picked up his medical emergency kit and continued out of the hospital. Once we were out, we ran to Bella's house together.

On the way, I explained to him her condition based on what my untrained eye had seen. At this his faced turned grave and he sped up a bit. He already knew that I had bitten her. This was the first thing that I told him and he smiled and patted me on the back. But, he now wore made me even more anxious, if that was possible.

We came to a halt outside of Bella's house. We could clearly hear her excruciating and heartbreaking cries.

We glanced at one another quickly, and then I followed him as he ran, as swift as ever, into the house and up the stairs.

We reached Bella in record time. After kneeling beside her, Carlisle set down and opened his kit. He mumbled to himself for a few moments while he examined the wound on Bella's head and continued all the way down to her broken leg. I could barely hear him over Bella's continued hollering, but I could see his mouth moving and I watched his face as different emotions passed through it. I tried to remember when he ever had any emotion on his face while he was in his doctor mode.

Finally, he stopped his prodding and looked up into my face, which was, by this time, warped with worry.

"Her leg is broken and the gash in her head has caused her to lose a lot of blood. There are some other things, like a bit of internal bleeding, but I'm sure the venom will heal everything quite quickly over the next three days. It's safe to move her, but it might be difficult." He said all of this with a strained voice, but I believed him.

"Okay." I think it was the only word I was capable of saying as the realization finally sunk in. Bella, my beautiful Bella, was going to become one of us. No more warmth, no more breakability. I sighed.

Carlisle noticed my sigh and questioned it in his thoughts, but I ignored him.

"You'll have to carry her, Edward. We have to bring her back to our house. It will be easier there. Our house is still in one piece, I imagine?" A smile played around his lips. He knew it was.

"Yes." Eager to get away from the blood again, I picked Bella up, with some difficulty seeing as how she thrashed with pain. I really didn't want to hurt her anymore.

We traveled fast so no one heard her screaming. On the way, Carlisle told me what he thought should happen. But, he added, it was, in the end, up to her and me.

He thought, of course, that she had to stay with us.

But, I thought, what if she hated me? What if she hated herself? What if she didn't want to be a vampire? What if she couldn't handle the pressure of how we lived and she ran away or worse…went to the Volturri?

The decision would have to wait until she was at least able to speak and make a coherent choice.

I helped Carlisle strap down Bella's leg so that it wouldn't cause her even more pain. She was in a room in the basement, which we barely used, so that when the rest of my family got back, they wouldn't be bothered. I was planning on staying with Bella the entire time she took to transform. Her pain should and would be my pain. And to think, I was the cause of the torture.

The days passed tediously. I sat entirely motionless the whole time while silent tears streaked my cheeks. I didn't think I would cry. I hadn't in decades. Each painful sound Bella voiced, each movement from her struggling body, each distorted expression she made, I promised myself and her that I would make up for everything, I would love her forever, no matter what she decided.


	4. Anomalies

**Edward's POV:**

I knew that my family was back. I could hear their thoughts above. Carlisle forbade anyone to come down, despite Alice's persistent protests. No one else argued with Carlisle, probably because they were scared he might snap under the weight of the responsibility I had just bestowed on him. Everyone wanted to see me and Bella, but mostly me. The problem was that I didn't want to see them. Not until I could talk to Bella, anyway.

To keep myself busy - aside from thinking up ways to make this up to Bella, or making up the conversations we would surely have soon in my mind, testing which words were best to use with her - I listened to family's thoughts. They were planning what to get Bella to drink, for when she was done screaming she would be voraciously thirsty. By the second day, Bella's anguishing screams had become hoarse, and by the third day, her screams began to subside and she stopped fighting.

The venom had visibly healed the slash on her head. And her leg was obviously healed. This was a fairly big indication at what the internal bleeding was up to. Finally, her eyes opened and searched the room wildly. She still had about an hour to go until she became aware of her surroundings, so I got up and left the room for the first time in three days. I trudged up the stairs slowly, my mind set on finding Carlisle. He was in his study, reading.

"She's almost done." I informed him.

"Excellent." He replied with a jubilant smile. "We thought that we should bring her first food _to_ her. It's too dangerous to let her out in the woods while she can't control herself. Especially with those furry monsters running around like they own the place. But, that's a problem for another day." He added with a quick smile, for my sake.

At that point, Emmett walked into the room.

"We got one, its unconscious, and it will only be good for about an hour, after that it tastes nasty." He told us, making a sour face.

"Great. Well, I suggest you bring it down to her now, Edward's said that Bella's almost done."

And with that he left. I raised my eyebrows in Carlisle's general direction. He just continued to smile at me in his all-knowing way.

"If you don't mind, I would like to watch her." I said, but I said it as if he had no choice. His only response was a nod before he looked back down at his papers and became engrossed with them again.

I met Emmett at the top of the stairs to the basement. He held the body of a flimsy, unconscious mountain lion in his strong arms. When he caught my eye, he winked. I quickly composed my face, so as not to show my amusement. He allowed me to go before him down the stairs so I could open the door for him.

We both entered and he set the beast down in the corner. Bella was sitting up, but her eyes were still unfocused and crazed, though they were beginning to adjust. Emmett clapped me on the back and left the room laughing.

As Bella's eyes became less and less wild, she began to growl. It was quite disturbing, actually. I hadn't expected her to do so. I was standing in the opposite corner to the lion, way out of her way just in case. I didn't want her to see me, so I stood in shadow.

After a few minutes of growling, she gracefully got up, walked over to the mountain lion and bit it.

I stared at her, my eyes filled and my face lined with incredulity. She was so calm!

Whenever I had watched another vampire in the first stages, they were crazy with thirst and very harsh. They often caused more damage than necessary. But this…this was amazing. My jaw hung open as I watched her finish up slowly and attentively. She hadn't seen me yet.

"Edward!" she yelled out of nowhere, she had yet to set eyes on me, I was sure of it. I was caught unaware as she whipped around and ran to me. Her embrace was more delicate than I expected it to be. I realized what was happening and took her in my arms, unbelievingly. She wasn't angry!

I buried my face in her neck. It still smelled sweet, though not as much as when she was human. Still, her smell drew me to her, just as before. She smelled so good. I was so grateful for this simple detail that I started to silently cry again.

Maybe everything could be as close to before as possible. Maybe not much would change. I could hope.

Just then, she pulled away, sensing the wetness on her neck. She looked into my eyes, and I smiled – for her sake.

"I love you." I whispered, my smile fading. "I'm so sorry."

"I love you, too."

My smile returned and I took her hand to lead her up the stairs.

At the top, I led her to the living room, holding her very close the entire time. By the time we entered the dark room, everyone else was silently filing in to see us. The look on all of their faces was rather amusing. They didn't expect her to be manageable yet.

Alice, of course, was the first to run up and seize Bella.

Bella was caught off guard, but quickly adjusted her face to show her happiness in Alice's embrace.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry!"

"Huh?" Bella's confused face hadn't changed, and the intrigue in her eyes flashed still.

"I couldn't tell Edward fast enough. I saw how you were hurt. I tried to call Edward, but I never got to tell him." Her mouth was turned down in a frown and the tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Alice, I already told you that it wasn't your fault. Don't go beating yourself up." Carlisle's calming voice loosened the tension that filled the room. "We are just happy to see that you are okay."

"_She is okay, right?"_ he asked in his head, as his eyes darted my way.

I nodded slightly and mouthed, "For now."

Jasper came forward to hold Alice whose tears were beginning to spill over.


End file.
